Conquer FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real)

Did you know that as a whole, people are more terrified of speaking in public than of death itself? If you find this tidbit to be absolutely ludicrous, ask yourself what scares You the most and consider how life might be different for you if you didn’t encompass this fear. Is it possible to be so incapacitated with fear that we not only stop in mid-stride, but we come to a complete standstill without even realizing it?


The other day while at work, I made the mistake of venting to a coworker about my newfound fascination/disgust with cockroaches that frequently co-inhabit my house on a weekly basis. Listening patiently to my entire (and pretty pathetic) story, he proceeded to tell me of some co-inhabitants he has had involving (I don’t even want to say it!) wind scorpions. Not only was the story itself absolutely terrifying in every possible facet, and not only did it cause my normally below-average blood pressure to ascend a couple hundred notches, but it made me ask the question: “Where do fears stem from… How do we get over our fears?... And why do they have the power to sometimes debilitate us?” As I began to really absorb my question and gather my thoughts on the matter, my co-worker thought it would be a great idea to show me a real photo he researched on Google of a wind scorpion, which immediately made me shiver in my britches and realize that I would rather cuddle with a cockroach on any given day than be within a ten-mile radius of one of those… those other THINGS! Needless to say, although I am still to this moment scratching at the thought of “The (now) Unspoken”, I haven’t stopped thinking about fear and how it affects our everyday lives.


After this question arose, I began to really delve into fear itself and why it has so much power over us and how we decide to live. As we’ve already talked about, Faithful Reader, ‘perception is reality’. “So what?”, you ask. Well… believe it or not, the concept of fear holds the same underlying principal. What we experience in life isn’t the main determinant of fear. Rather, it’s the way we (our brains) PERCEIVE the situation that implants that negative feeling into our being. Let’s convert this to a simple equation:

A+B=C

Let’s say:
A is the actual event,
B is our interpretation or perception of the event, and
C is our reaction to the event.

While most people think that ‘A’ dictates how we behave in a certain situation, it is actually ‘B’ that is responsible for this. When we perceive a positive, happy and blissful event as being so, the left hemisphere of our brain is enhanced. Just as well, when we interpret a situation to be negative or debilitating, the enhancement occurs on the right side of our brain. It is these interpretations that ultimately determine our behavior toward the specific event or circumstance. Basically, fear can be loosely defined as the ‘memory of danger’. When we constantly reiterate to ourselves that something is ‘scary’, we are sending constant signals to the brain which eventually become embedded as memories. Much like the snowball effect, the more fears and negative memories you perceive you have, the easier it becomes for your brain to form the connections that eventually lead to anxiety and your world as you know it eventually gives way to this so-called ‘fear-ball’ and begins to dwindle.


While meeting a few weeks back with my close friend and mentor, Darian Parker, we got into a conversation about some of the major events in our lives that sort of molded us into who we are today. During our discussion, Darian told me of his former fear of public speaking and how he dreaded it much like most of the world today does. This took me for a loop and I couldn’t help but question the validity of his statement as he is now an absolutely terrific and distinguished public speaker. So, naturally, my curiosity got the best of me as usual, and I had to inquire further on how he overcame his fear to become who he is today. Believe it or not, he responded by explaining how he eventually grew so tired of having this fear that he made the executive decision to enroll in a public speaking class to get over it. While having to speak publicly, he realized that he actually LIKED it, and low and behold, ended up becoming a college professor in Kansas City! It’s weird to think that if Darian wouldn’t have stepped out of his comfort zone in an attempt to challenge his perception, then he most likely would have ended up a very, very different person with a very, very different career path. He would have been debilitated by a fear that he never attempted to conquer and as a result, his right hemisphere would be in a constant state of over-reaction. In turn, this would continually have held him back from great opportunities and endeavors that he would have been assuming (wrongly) that he wasn’t capable of doing. And THAT, Faithful Reader, is the power of the mind itself.


In another example and in a situation I have touched on before, there was once a time where I, too, was held back by fear in leaving my comfort zone. Having experienced loss on many personal levels, I reached a point where I had fallen so hard and so many times that I wasn’t sure if I had enough energy to pick myself up again and continue onward. Having been pushed down so many times, I had begun to rely on the person who pushed me down to pick me up again and eventually when that ceased to happen, I realized that amongst the negativity, I had actually forgotten that I was capable of doing it on my own. During this time, I had to decide if I wanted to stay down and keep enabling this to happen, or if there was another way I could view this situation so that it would be in my favor. Not only did I decide to get up on my own, but I decided from that day on that I would stand tall on my own no matter what and that I would never, EVER allow myself to identify with those negative perceptions again. Although I am a very independent soul, somehow I had fallen into the trap of allowing A+B=C and I had let my fear of loss impose on my ability to move on. Although situations like these are never easy, sometimes you have to go through them to be reminded of how strong the mind really is and how just a simple change in your everyday thought-processes can make a world of difference. I can honestly say I have no fears at this point in time as I know I will never enable my mind to put me in the same disposition as I once was in (well… ok… So I lied about the ‘no fear’ thing... “The (now) Unspoken” makes me want to reside in an opaque, scorpion-proof bubble that flies at least 10 feet off the ground at all times and is weather resistant. Oh… and I would have to have access to endless sushi, have a home-gym, a Super Walmart and, of course, a laptop.).


“So…”, you ask, “if our reactions to a situation entrench fear into our minds in the form of a memory, is there any way to reverse the process?”. Yes and no. Unfortunately we cannot erase the original memory (sorry to break the bad news)… BUT there is a process you can reinforce that will essentially mask the memory called ‘fear extinction’. Fear extinction is basically an analogous neural alternative to give rise to the creation of a new memory that acts to conceal the old memory. A type of therapy called cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) does essentially this in helping to force the brain to exchange negative memories of fear for those that are instead positive or neutral. By training the brain that you can survive a negative situation or fear, your brain can then allow (and accept) you to get back on the horse that threw you. Just as most people stop in their own tracks when faced with fear, CBT trains you to respond to the stimulus that affects you instead of doing nothing. This is a proven effective way to face fear and to overcome it. By doing something other than sitting… waiting… worrying… we can weaken our initial instinctive thought processes by schooling the brain to learn a new scenario. In a nutshell, this is exactly what Darian did to get over his fear. And you can too!


One of the things I promised myself I would do from that fateful day long ago was to do something I am scared of as much as possible. Even once a day if the opportunity presented itself. Instead of holding back because I felt scared or was unsure of the final outcome, I have learned to just attack the situation ‘knowing’ that something positive will come out of it. We all know those people who didn’t take a chance to activate their left hemisphere and who now have regrets and ‘wish’ they could go back in time to do whatever it was they feel they missed out on. Don’t be one of those people. Do something each day that scares you, and embrace your fears as something that you want to conquer for yourself so you aren’t held back in fear. In being a part of Connect To Fitness, I have been given a rare opportunity to always be stepping out of my box. Constantly meeting new and interesting people, finding new opportunities, reaching out to people who I would otherwise have never made contact with, responding to others who reach out, and thinking outside the box to put to life and take a chance this amazing ‘idea’ we call Connect To Fitness, there is no room for failure and it isn’t even an option. with you in mind, Faithful Reader, we are continually making strides to bring to you the best possible outlet to help make your out-of-the-box transition easier and more feasible. Although I have yet to sit down and meet a person who hasn’t already conquered their fears, there is still always another step to be taken, always another challenge to be conquered, and always a fear (no matter how small) lingering in some part of our right hemisphere. By having the opportunity to seize the day and seize what it is you strive for day in and day out, we hope to bring you the best possible outlet for you to channel your attack on the world and this industry. In watching the state of the world’s health steadily decline, I don’t know about you, but I am ready to take action regardless of how intimidating or daunting it can seem. It’s not going to be a smooth road, but I know ( fear extinction) that as a team, there is nothing we can’t accomplish. There is nothing we can’t do if we band together and run full-speed ahead without looking back. Nothing in this world is impossible if we set the tone for a trip down (positive) memory lane. Let’s traverse together to fix what is broken and utilize and balance each other’s strengths and weaknesses by making connections and networking so when the time comes, we have someone to turn to and we don’t have to fear not having or knowing the answer. We can all save time and energy and will be overall more efficient in getting the job done, and getting it done right.


Do you want to keep standing still or do you want to take action and see where you are truly destined to be? Do me two favors, Faithful Reader… 1.)Do one thing a day that scares you. 2.) Feel free to contact me should my advice lead you in the wrong direction. In your mind you may have doubts, but in mine, they are all wiped out and destroyed.


Until next time…


“The mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.” –John Milton


“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself (or his brain).” –Leo Tolstoy


"He has not learned the lesson of life who does not every day surmount a fear." -Ralph Waldo Emerson