YOU-nited Through Connections

“How did you get to where you are today?” As I thought about the best way to answer this in a short amount of time, I came to the conclusion that the answer could quite possibly be summed up in just one word: Networking. How did you get to where YOU are today?


During our Connect To Fitness Event at REI in Boca Park here in the luxurious and astonishing Summerlin area of Las Vegas, there was a portion of the event dedicated to about a half an hour of ‘speed networking’ (think ‘speed dating’… but less creepy). We were to travel around the room, exchanging seats with the person before us every couple minutes and hold a networking conversation with the person on the other side of the table. One of the questions someone asked me was that of how I came to be standing right where I am right now, and all I could find myself doing was reflecting on the process I had went through to get to where I am today. This question in itself is beyond a two or three minute conversation, but I remember thinking that overall I could sum up my answer in that one word: Networking.


A year and a half ago, if you’d have told me I’d be successfully living in Las Vegas, I would probably have laughed. Not because I wouldn’t have believed in my abilities to somehow pull it off, but because I had known literally NO one who lived in Vegas. How on earth would I be capable of moving cross-country 3,000 miles away from home without any connections to help make the process more efficient? The long and short of it is that it would have been a much greater challenge had I not made connections to assist my endeavors. The myth of the ‘self-made’ man is exactly that: A ‘Myth’. Although I can look back and pride myself in actually taking the steps up the ladder, I can’t credit that those steps were created alone or that I didn’t have a hand guiding me.


During the ‘speed networking’ experience, I found myself sitting in front of my bosses, colleagues, co-workers, friends, strangers, and mentors, all who have had (and continue to have) an impact on my life. I thought back to my moving experience, and how incredibly far 3,000 miles was but how close it felt with the help of other people. The struggles involved with making such a tremendous change and move were life-changing and during that time I really learned how strong of a person I truly was. I can remember telling someone back home I had considered myself 'close' to about my move and hearing the response of, “Oh… You’ll be back. Everyone comes back.”. Devastated, it caused me to shrink briefly into my shell, but to then immediately spring out and use it for inspiration as to why I have to work extra hard to make this happen.


During the event as well, Darian got up in front of everyone who attended and gave the shortened version of one of the lectures he does for the students at the Professional Fitness Institute for the students at Boot Camp. One of the points he makes that always resonates with me is that of surrounding yourself and networking with people who aspire and are similar to you. Each time I hear him deliver this great point, my mind reverts back to the people who really didn’t believe in me when all was said and done. The pain I experienced in my moving experience was both good and bad as it hurts to find out the people you rely on aren’t really there for you, but it also helps you to cherish and recognize the people who do stick by you through thick and through thin without question. Without the negative circumstances, we would have no way of recognizing and appreciating the positive and great people and experiences in our lives to the extent that is deserved. Sometimes it takes a life-altering experience to figure out how strong we are as individuals and who is really going to be there when it counts. Step back and look at your own life and ask yourself this: How many people would be there for you right now if it came down to a life-altering/changing situation? How many of the people around you could stick by you through whatever life endowed and through whatever sticks and stones were thrown your way? The few people you can say without a doubt would be by your side are the types of people you want to encompass your life around. When you have people around you that believe in and support your endeavors, there will be no resentment or question to your abilities because you will always have a constant support system behind you lifting you to the next level and surrounding you from every angle. Now let’s take this a step further; Think back to the most traumatic experience in your life. It can be anything on any scale. Who was there for you and who helped pick you back up when you felt you had stumbled for the last time? It is important to always seek out and keep close those select few individuals who will always be there to catch you when you fall and to help you surpass your ‘limitations’ and goals you set for yourself. When you are surrounded with people who constantly put you down and don’t believe in you, it becomes ingrained in our minds that maybe we aren’t good enough, smart enough, fast enough, strong enough, and we may not even try to take that risk or chance that could be the next step in our journey to success.


Success in itself is very much a mental game. Whether it’s reaching our goals personally or professionally, there is so much mental strength involved in doing something we may ‘fail’ at initially. It takes a certain type of person to push forward knowing there is a risk involved and possibly failure. When we have the right people around us reaching out a helping hand, we know that even if we make a mistake or ‘fail’ the first or 20th time that we will still have a great support system behind us cheering us on to the finish line. This can make all the difference when trying to accomplish something. Let go of all that holds you back and take the risk you have been putting off. What do you have to lose?


As Darian went through the basics of networking and why it’s so important to do for yourself and your career, all eyes were fixated on the screen in the front of the room and you could literally have heard a pin-drop. The response afterward was awesome and by incorporating the speed-networking game directly after, we were actually able to apply some of these things to real life that we had just learned about during the lecture.


One of the things I would encourage you to do, Faithful Reader, is step out of your box and reach out to the people you see everyday. Reach out to the people you admire. Reach out to the people who might need a helping hand to reach their next step. Reach out with the intention to ‘give’ and I promise you, it will be reciprocated. I think one of the things we fear when networking is that other people won’t be willing to put in what we are putting out. You make yourself vulnerable when networking as you are intentionally inviting another person to be involved with you and to help embellish your career while you are helping to do the same for them. One of the things I have really enjoyed about Connect To Fitness is that it has allowed me to network with some of the most amazing professionals in the area. Having just moved here less than eight months ago, I have had the opportunity to reach out to so many people I may never have had known about or had the opportunity to meet without networking.


Another valuable point Darian stresses heavily in his lecture that rings true in all walks of life is that there is truly no substitute for a one-on-one, face-to-face meeting with someone. Technology has taken a lot of face time out of our lives as seeing someone in person is no longer the only way to keep in touch. Neither is writing a letter, putting on a stamp and mailing it hoping it gets to the right person by the right time. We are no longer plagued by ‘long distance’ relationships as technology has made it so much easier to keep in touch through phones, internet, webcams, etc. Although this is breakthrough, exciting and absolutely necessary now-a-days, it has also left meeting in person a lost art and a lost cause. Now people meet over the internet and foster their relationships virtually. If there is one thing I can agree with, it’s that what Darian says is absolutely true as you will never be able to achieve the emotional ties and connections with someone through virtual reality. You will never see an expression through words, you will never hear the tone of someone’s voice through online chat, you will never ‘see’ what a person is truly passionate about unless you actually take the time to meet with them. This has become one of the things I look forward to most. It may be strange when I say that I meet with strangers on a weekly basis whom I either only met maybe once or never before prior to our meeting. But in the past, this was the only way of meeting someone and I still believe today that you should never substitute an actual and live conversation with emails and Facebook conversations. Meeting with some of the greatest professionals in all of Las Vegas has been an extremely honoring and humbling experience to me as each person has been above and beyond anything their profiles or online messages could have told me. I have walked out of meetings so inspired that it actually brought tears to my eyes and it always makes me wonder why more people don’t reach out to sit down, have a cup of coffee and just simply get to know each other and find out what the both of you are all about. I have never, ever had a meeting where something productive didn’t come out of it. But I HAVE had numerous occasions online where sending messages back and forth just didn’t fill that void. You are also able to foster an actual friendship using this method and you have the ability to connect on an emotional level with a person. Meeting with new people a couple times a week has really helped me both personally and professionally establish myself and get to know the area that I live in. Connect To Fitness has been a fantastic avenue for people to get involved with each other and to meet the other people in this industry who are vying to make a difference through personal connections and taking risks. There just isn’t a substitute. So, I encourage you, Faithful Reader, to reach out and meet the people you have relied on technology to keep you in touch with. Ask them out for coffee, lunch or dinner, or visit their facility or invite them into yours, and just talk. Call them on the phone if they live far away and hold a conversation. Ask questions. Find out how you can help them. What goes around, comes around. It’s tried and true, and it’s GOOD to step out of your comfort zone.


As our awesome event tied up and came to an end, we actually had to extend the event an entire hour as people stayed after to connect further through conversations. I was one of those people. One of the funny things was that a couple people whom I have been ‘friends’ with on Facebook for months, but never had the chance to meet in real life, attended and I couldn’t believe what I had been missing in my online ‘conversations’ with these individuals. It was quite awesome to meet the person behind the words and to actually see what they encompass in real life.


A good part of my last hour at the event was spent talking to two of the very people who have done so much for me this past year and a half, Dr. Darian Parker and Charles Ware. As we sat there and talked outside of the work environment, I was surprised to learn a lot about them that I never knew before. I also thought during our conversation how ‘giving’ truly does go full circle. I remembered my process of moving out to Las Vegas and having to so heavily rely on both of them for support, confidence and guidance in everything I was trying to do across the country (and I still rely on them heavily to this day!). I remember all that they reached out and did for me even though they didn’t even know me well and the risks that both of them took by taking me under their wing. I will never know how to repay them for all that they invested into me, but I do know that by leading from the example they constantly follow, I can give back little by little by following through with their expectations of me and the expectations I have made for myself. Since moving to Vegas, I have been blessed to be able to work alongside these very individuals who helped me through the biggest challenge of my life and I will spend my own time working to help them in any way I can. Giving is the world’s best gift, and you might surprise yourself with the irony of how things work out when you decide to allow your heart to be vulnerable to giving.


As I watched the remainder of the people pile out, I, too, packed up my belongings and said my ‘goodbyes’ to the people that were left at the event. On the way home, my phone buzzed and I realized I had received a text message from a friend all the way back home. I read the message and thought how ironic life works itself out. The message said, “I wanted to say thank you for your email the other day and that I miss you, miss seeing you and miss hearing your voice. Let me know when you are coming to town next because no amount of emails beats actual Emma-time.”. I couldn’t help but smile.


Until next time, Faithful Reader,


“It's not enough to hit the notes. There is no point in the singers just standing there and sounding wonderful if they're not connecting with the characters they are portraying.” –Bruce Beresford


“My parents told me that I could do and be anything I really wanted. I believed them.” -Molly McDonald


“To go against the dominant thinking of your friends, of most of the people you see every day, is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.” -Theodore H. White

Regret Me Not

Stop for just a moment and look back on the past 24 hours of your life. Evaluate all your actions, your motives, your decisions, your accomplishments and what you may have put off until tomorrow. Ask yourself, “How am I going to feel tomorrow about today?”


Think about today as a day you can never return to and in tomorrow as a day too late. As decisions are made in a day’s time and throughout your life, take time to ask yourself how you will proceed to feel about your decision 5, 10, 20 or even 50 years down the road. We are all given the gift of living in the moment, and it is our choice and our choice alone, that will dictate what our future beholds and what will defy who we are and who we become.


Upon recently having a great conversation with someone I love deeply about life and about events (both fortunate and unfortunate) that have helped to create the mold to which we both exist, the thought occurred, “If a person is at one with who they are and can say with an honest heart that they are proud of who they have become, then can ‘regret’ in its truest form be said to exist?”… I stopped to look at my own life right in the midst of the conversation and couldn’t help but smile to myself in where my own journey took me. Being an ‘un’believer in the act of ‘regret’ to begin with, I began to consider all the tragedy and misfortunes (in or out of my control) that have happened in spite of myself and in spite of what I may have been striving for and began pondering the subject matter further…


By feeling regret for past or present actions or inactions, it places a mental boundary on where you are today and where you are striving to go tomorrow. You are never fully able to progress past that point in time, and you stay locked in what ‘could have been’ instead of what ‘is’ or ‘could be’ as a result of that particular situation. To feel as if you are pressed between two thick walls of regret that are holding you back from moving forward will cause you to do just that… stay idle.


Feelings, in general, are involuntary. What does this mean, you ask? Well, have you ever said to yourself or to someone else that someone or something is the cause of or to blame for your happiness, sadness, anger, disposition… etc? To put it in perspective; although these people, places or things may have had an impact on you and may influence your feelings, we are the only ones who are capable of extracting these feelings and bringing them to life both physically and mentally. It can be difficult to realize, but we voluntarily make a conscious decision to choose our emotions and to choose how we are going to react to any given situation. These situations can make endless attempts at penetrating through our surfaces and walls of protection, but only we can let them in and only we can allow their influences to impart on our mental and physical well-being.


It’s easier said than done, but it is important to realize this fact in every circumstance you encounter as you have every right to oppose the emotions of any external force that may wish to inflict regret over you. Those who are stuck in regret constantly use these emotions as an excuse to not accept what has happened or is happening and they create a wall (or ‘boundary’, if you will) that prevents them from being able to access the ability to grow from the situation. Think about it… What if we all made a conscious effort to choose our emotions and what we let get to us, instead of impulsively reacting to a scenario? By realizing that we are what we choose to be and by taking the time to listen for the ‘reason’ in each situation, we can then take what happened and assess the stipulation to work out in our favor. In all that we do, there is always a lesson to be learned and a way to grow physically and emotionally to benefit our present and future. Without the negative and bad aspects of life, we could never learn to recognize and appreciate the positive or good things. Without sadness or despair, we wouldn’t know just how wonderful a dusting of happiness could feel.


One of the things I have learned about regrets is, simply, not to have them. I view regret not only as a negative connotation, but also as a burden, or weight, that stays centered on our lives and won’t budge. As I was conversing with my loved one and taking all this in, I was once again reminded of why I regret nothing that has ever happened to me. Sure, I will be the first to admit that I have made some mistakes as big as my accomplishments, and that have I allowed other people more time than they deserved to treat me just as bad as I knew I should be treated good. I know I have caused hurt to others and I know I’m not perfect. But, that’s not the point. By stepping back and looking at exactly where my feet are planted in the sand at this very moment in time, I can look at all these events and know that I wouldn’t be standing in this very spot right now if even one of them hadn’t occurred. In the midst of all the hurt, pain and suffering I may have encountered on my life path, I can now say I have never been happier and that I know the worst is over as I have lived and learned and know I am now in complete control of my destiny. I also know that the people whom I have affected and the people who have affected me wouldn’t be where they were if not for the interactions we had together, whether bad or good. And you can even look at it a step further in that the people associated with THOSE people wouldn’t be where they are at either had such events never occurred. It is quite a humbling and mind-boggling concept to take in and grasp when you really allow yourself to get submerged in the theory.


Reminiscing upon certain events of my past, I remember, sitting back and just wondering, ‘Why? Why me?” I remember thinking that I would never get through the situation and that life definitely would never be the same. I can remember wishing so deeply and profoundly that I would give anything to go back and alter what had happened. The truth is, time will never stop ticking, and life will never stand still for anyone. Just as well, we can never return to a moment despite what the outcome is. Apart from what we choose to do, or what others choose to do, need not matter. Pick your feet up, lift your chin, and let each moment influence you to do better next time, to not make the same mistake again, to be proud and rejoice, to take it all in and savor it, to become a better person as a result, or to thank the person next to you for helping you discover something new about yourself. If you cannot return to change something from your past, there is no point in wasting precious time wishing for the impossible. Nothing from this moment on is impossible and why should we expend more time generating more possible regrets by regretting what we ‘should have done’. This is like an alcoholic who is so depressed about being an alcoholic (and all the issues that come along with it…) that he goes out to drink his sorrows away each night. Now, does this make any sense when you look at it from this perspective? Didn’t think so. So, WHY spend your time wallowing in what ‘could have been’, when you could be using that valuable time (you will later regret wasting) to do something productive that CAN be done?


Simply, life is too short as it is. Life isn’t forever and each moment is here, gone, and in the history books. The story of your life is exactly what you make of it each day. It is written based off your perceptions, your realities, your emotions and your burdens and regrets.


Live and learn and make the best of each day as one day your time will stop ticking all together. Make memories, not regrets and let your life aspire to greatness with each passing event. How will YOUR today look from tomorrow’s standpoint? Your future begins with You.


Until next time, Faithful Reader…


"Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets." -Author Unknown, from Dreams


“Make the most of your regrets; never smother your sorrow, but tend and cherish it till it comes to have a separate and integral interest. To regret deeply is to live afresh.” -Henry David Thoreau


“Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.” –Johnathan Larson


“Regret for time wasted can become a power for good in the time that remains, if we will only stop the waste and the idle, useless regretting.” –Arthur Brisbane